line in the sand = drawn

Since my last entry where I wondered aloud (or, not aloud, but virtually) about where I was going to draw the line in the sand with fbf, I went to Seattle, had a marvelous time with my friends--who are some of the best people in the world (and whom I am so lucky to have in my life)--and went through some "being true to onself" thoughts. Basically, I went to Seattle and fell back into my pattern of "I want to move back here." Of course I LOVE Seattle, and I LOVE LOVE the people there even more, and this caused me major anxiety the last day and a half I was in Seattle. That carried over to me coming back to California and being pretty bummed out. I dragged my sad, sorry ass to work anyway, and was excited to have an email from my coworker wondering whether I was coming in that day. Success! I have a friend who cares whether I'm at work or not! This reinforced my decision to be in California, and helped me feel secure in the fact that I'm into the swing of things at work and in my life, and I am content. That said, I decided that the main thing dragging me down was fbf. And although I didn't get a chance to tell him (not "to his face," because how would that be possible when we only ever met each other once?) directly, I stopped calling, texting, or otherwise communicating with him. He followed suit. He's called a few times saying he's been busy and asking whether I've fallen off the face of the earth, but we haven't talked in weeks, now. I think my annoyance in early March really set the tone for where I am in my life, and I decided that sitting at home, talking to someone on the phone is NOT where I want to be. I want to be kicking ass at work, taking on new challenges, and learning new things. And I want to be embracing opportunities to hang out with people and develop relationships here, not just in California, but also in the south bay. I am making a concerted effort to make a life here for myself; one that I really enjoy.

And you know what? Although I haven't posted a blog for awhile, I made this decision and followed my instinct several weeks ago, and I'm really glad that I did. I guess I've just been so busy following this instinct, and working hard and creating a great life for myself that I neglected to blog about it! And I wanted to document for myself that I have moved beyond some of my old habits (such as fbf). I also started to work out in the mornings, which I am LOVING. Speaking of which, I need to get to sleep because I have spin class at 5:45 a.m.

More later, because I have a good feeling about this...