this post had better not jinx things

Having been absent from my blog for over four weeks, I just re-read my last post. I was not prepared for what I would see, because it had been long enough for me to forget what I had written. What I saw really amazed me - I pretty much stated that it was over with Modesto. I mean, I didn't say that, of course, but reading my July 1st post again, I was saying it. And good LORD I was screaming it about CIPA!! The guy responded to a text message I sent, and I thought it might mean something? Good grief. Being a girl really does suck. Here's the part I found the most interesting: the last paragraph. I shall re-quote it within this post, lest it be too difficult to look at the previous post:

Truth be told, neither of these guys is probably right for me. Supposedly, a guy who really likes me will make an effort to see me and make it known and all that good stuff. But when the options are limited, it's more fun to stir up something than to have nothing at all. And neither modesto nor CIPA are bad guys. They're just not giving me EVERYTHING that I want. In the meantime, though, I don't have a guy in my life that is giving me that EVERYTHING. And I don't mean that in the "here is my checklist of what a guy should have," either. We're talking bare-bones, dude and I get along well, have things in common, want to do things together, are attracted to each other, and actually see each other more than once every two months. That's my order.

Wow, right? I mean, W-O-W. I say "wow" because I obviously knew that both modesto and CIPA are/were lame. And that they weren't particularly adding anything to my life. And I set out my "order" right there, in my post.

11 days later, I decided to suck it up and join eHarmony in hopes of ending this time wasting with either of these guys, and maybe meeting someone nearby who met this description and wanted to spend time together. Oops?

Two days after subscribing to that, I overheard a soccer teammate talking about beer can racing. I talked over two other teammates to ask this teamate (we'll call him "teacher," since he's a third grade teacher) if he was talking about sailing. When he confirmed, I said "I love sailing!" and he said I should come out sometime. I thought teacher was merely being polite, but lo and behold, he emailed me that night asking me to sail with his dad and friends the next evening. How could I say no? An opportunity to sail, and also meet new people? Awesome! So I went for it. Then, as we were sailing, teacher said something to the effect of, "I can't believe how many people on our soccer team are married with kids," to which I replied, "Oh, I know - I totally joined the team to try to meet people and be social, and they're all married!" I was thinking to myself, "sweet, a single person to hang out with," and then he started talking about how his kids are going to have the best handwriting because he makes them practice all the time, etc. Then I was thinking, "kids? what kids? is he married? divorced with kids? darn it, not a new friend, after all. I guess this is just a nice sailing buddy, then." Shortly after that (much like the large waves on which we were sailing, this conversation was choppy - we would start and stop talking as we needed to tack back and forth through the bay), he mentioned loving summer break because he's a teacher, and then I realized that his "kids" were actually his third grade students. Game on!!

Throughout the sail, I hadn't really thought about what I was doing there and whether this was weird - I was just a girl from teacher's soccer team who liked to sail. But I had a GREAT time. It was gorgeous out, teacher and his father and friends were really nice and personable, and I enjoyed myself. Teacher and I had lots in common, as it turns out. He proposed beer and a bite, and I said of course. As we were leaving, teacher insisted that I take his iPod to listen to a band we'd been discussing (a love of great music gets me every time). Then, it hit me: had this transformed into a date? Panic did not set it, but I was curious...

Beer and a bite were great. Best time I had with a guy in a really long time. Teacher is intelligent, funny, well-read, and charasmatic. He actually talks as much as I do! We split the bill, and he walked me to my car. Now panic set in. I said a quick word or two and then was like, "well, I'd better go!" and teacher gave me a hug. Phew, I was saved - but was this a date? Ahhhh! The email from teacher 15 minutes later thanking me and including a "to-do list" based on our conversation that night made me think that maybe this was something...maybe.

Next day, we go to soccer practice. I'm the only girl. We play pick-up with randoms, then get beers. I impress teacher with my beer ordering skills, and my fallback choice (new castle) when sierra nevada is out. Teacher is intrigued, I am sure. Teacher mentions that he has to get home to play mariokart - the high school nerd in me is now intrigued. I want to play! Not this day, however...

Text messaging and emailing ensue for a few days. Teacher invites me to the A's game on Sunday. I semi-panic because I think this might be a date, but I'm still not sure. And I'm so exhausted from Kenny Chesney and Kole being annoying all night, I don't really have time to wonder. Plus, I'm comfortable around teacher so I'm not getting bijiggity. That's a nice feeling. After the game, I go to his place for a cold Dr. Pepper and some mariokart challenges. He didn't even let me win - I gave him a run for his money, though.

Things continue to go well and we talk almost daily. It's very nice. I had plans to go to Seattle last weekend so he came over late Thursday night as a surprise and watched Jimmy Fallon with me. He was concerned about coming over like that because he "really likes" me and "doesn't want to mess things up" - how's that for a surprise? Since when has a guy expressed something like that to me? Wow. I definitely agree with him and am enjoying just getting to know each other. We were both out of town for a few days so we didn't talk, but did text and email a bit - I'm afraid that once or twice our texts or emails have gotten misconstrued, which is a real risk of emailing or texting too much, I'm afraid...so I am going to minimize that.

The point of this post, which has turned into quite the ramble-fest, is to point out the irony of my current situation. I joined eHarmony and shelled out a good chunk of cash, and then started hanging out with this guy who had been right in front of me for almost a month. Hanging out with his guy is falling into place with that last paragraph from July 1st: I look forward to hearing from him; I do hear from him; more importantly, I look forward to seeing him and I do see him. For instance, I said: "supposedly, a guy who really likes me will make an effort to see me and make it known and all that good stuff." Teacher has invited me to do things, has driven over to see me, and has even told me straight out that he likes me and wants to see where this goes. Score! I also said: "dude and I get along well," that we "have things in common," and should "want to do things together." Talking a lot? Traveling? Camping? Music? Soccer? Beers? A's games? Mariokart? Score, Score, Score! And the most impressive of all - drumroll, please - I boldly suggested that I am looking for a relationship (yes, I said the "r" word) where we "actually see each other more than once every two months." Again, Score!

So this is going nicely. I actually feel kind of silly for writing it out, because I am really just going with the flow on this one and am liking the fact that it just is what it is. I just hope that my blogging about it doesn't go and jinx it...

boys are evil communication vixens

ok, so this whole modesto situation is getting silly, really. As my amazing friend Rox said in passing to me today, "what is his deal? he's wasting your time" (please note: I realize that other people, namely my baby sister, have expressed similar sentiments and I fully recognize that I have chosen to look past them). I've been thinking about that, and truly, I guess he kind of is. I mean, I'm emotionally invested. I would be all for being physically invested, yet he just doesn't put that extra effort in. We haven't seen each other since January. Yes, January. I feel like I've talked about this with him at least twice in earnest, now. He was in San Carlos for work last weekend and didn't think to tell me or ask to get together, and although he claims it's because he didn't know he would be there until 6am that day and didn't know where San Carlos was, it's not really an excuse. It reinforces the fact that he doesn't alter his plans/lifestyle to fit me in. We haven't hashed out these issues yet, although he groveled slightly, and I doubt we will tonight (I plan to drink a lot of wine with a friend and listen to jazz outside in a cute downtown neighborhood), but it's almost like, what's the point? I mean, he's obviously trying. But he's not trying enough. He wants me to know he cares, but he doesn't show it by making me a priority physically - only over the phone. I know I can't force my communication preferences or "relationship" preferences on someone, but not seeing each other in six months is a little ridiculous, and with him still in my life, I am not actively trying to meet other people. If others come up, I don't ignore them of course, but I'm not actively looking, either--and I'm not getting any younger.

Due to the above, I decided to go out on a limb and text cute IP attorney ("CIPA" for short?). I realize that texting is extremely passive, but in this case I decided that passive would suffice. He's passive. And either just really nice, completely obvlivious, or actually likes me, because he texted me back right away (god, I am SO drew barrymore in he's just not that into you right now! "he myspaced me"..."what about texter?"...grief. but at least CIPA and I had in-person interactions, too). Here is my breeziness:

Hey you! Coworker hasn't given it to me yet, but she told me you brought my jewelry to the pool party and I've been meaning to thank you. Hope all is well with you and you're enjoying summer (and the giants' decent record!). Would be nice to see you sometime!

Here is his completely ambiguous, utterly vague, yet reasonably instant response:

Things are good just got back from a quick fishing trip with my family so playing a little catchup but should slow down in a couple of weeks

What am I supposed to do with that? Timing of text (combined with length and amount of detail) suggests that he is just nice and responded because he felt obligated. Another option is that he is completely oblivious (as most guys are) to the fact that I'm a GIRL and am trying to get something out of this so his responding sends me false hope. Final option is, maybe he actually likes me. Even if this is the case, however, what do I do with his response? He tells me what he's up to, but doesn't suggest we get together (even though I gave him a chance to do so). On the other hand, he says that he's currently busy, but will be slowing down in the next few weeks, implying that he may be available to get together in the near future. Fascinating. Giving me just enough to wonder whether he's interested or not. Boys are evil communication vixens. And in all likelihood, they don't even know it - I can almost guarantee that CIPA doesn't know it. he's just off in his own CIPA world, fishing with his family, going to giants games, and getting random texts from me.

Truth be told, neither of these guys is probably right for me. Supposedly, a guy who really likes me will make an effort to see me and make it known and all that good stuff. But when the options are limited, it's more fun to stir up something than to have nothing at all. And neither modesto nor CIPA are bad guys. They're just not giving me EVERYTHING that I want. In the meantime, though, I don't have a guy in my life that is giving me that EVERYTHING. And I don't mean that in the "here is my checklist of what a guy should have," either. We're talking bare-bones, dude and I get along well, have things in common, want to do things together, are attracted to each other, and actually see each other more than once every two months. That's my order. Think I can put it in at www.getmeaboyfriend.com or something?